all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
