Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
