Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
