OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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