shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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