True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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