he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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