It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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