I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
