i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
