I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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