Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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