I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
