so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
