I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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