I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
