I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
