How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
