We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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