Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you win again, gameday.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
