1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
