Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
