and you said cock pushups were impossible
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
