I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
