The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize