My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
