Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
