So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
