Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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