I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
