just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
