What a fucking waste of an outfit
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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