i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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