We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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