Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
