It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
