Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
