its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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