Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize