none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
