Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
