I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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