How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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