There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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