Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How does it feel to date your dad?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
