The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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