walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
