i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize