And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
