She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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