She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
