To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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