While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
