Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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