that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
