I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
