I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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