i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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