Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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