Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize