i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
