I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
