I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
