just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
