my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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