puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
