Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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